I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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