If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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