remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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