Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
