she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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