as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
