I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
