So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He felt like a one man threesome
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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