I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
