and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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