either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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