Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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