Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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