i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
