well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
