Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
