I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
