I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
