It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
