I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
