This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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