I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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