Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
