I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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