it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
