remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
