I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
