Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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