Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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