If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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