she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
