i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
