I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
