I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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