Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
