The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
