i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
