Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Bring me that man meat
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
