so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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