The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
