I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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