how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
