I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
