I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
