had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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