Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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