508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
