I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
