I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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