just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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