That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
