Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This is not my ceiling
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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