Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
