god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
